My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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