just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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