hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
