I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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