I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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