My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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