Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
