he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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