found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My vagina is very pro this idea
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
