i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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