I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize