what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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