my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
