phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
