Where is the hickey?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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