Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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