I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
