Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He passed out mid-signature
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
