i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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