Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
