you guys were way drunker than both of me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
