We need to rekindle our bromance
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
