Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
