I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
