I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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