Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
