Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I supernannyed him into submission
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
