It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
