I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
