I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
