I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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