I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
