I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
