I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
