I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
