it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
