So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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