hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
