I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
