can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
