My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
