You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
