hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
