Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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