I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
