you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
