umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
