I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
