i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
