Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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