I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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