What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
