Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
