ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
