i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
