I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
