Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
