I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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