oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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