Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
