Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
God, I missed his penis.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
