Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
