when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
