I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
