not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
