he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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