Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
50% drunk capacity currently
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
